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Lucas Miller
Lucas Miller

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in november of last year my husband asked me to move in with him. that was just as i was dropping a bomb on my parents, trying to explain to them why i wasnt coming back home. he asked for a chance to prove his love for me and that he could make me happy. so i moved in with him and it wasnt easy at all, but i knew what i was getting into, and he had been down this path once before. so i knew what was likely to happen and i was ok with it. it was a difficult time for me, but i must admit i was stronger than i thought i would be. we became closer than we ever had been, and i felt more loved than i ever had. life was perfect. he was more attentive to me than i ever thought i could deserve, more loving, more endearing and that was a new experience. we were developing and growing together and i know i was happy. in july he asked me to move in with him, which i happily did. we began to live as a married couple. we even talked marriage. in october he asked me to move out.

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that first night he tried to make love to me. i was feeling just as excited as i ever felt with him. i remember begging him to stop from the moment i woke up, but that only made it worse. he cried, he begged, he said he wanted to change, he was sorry he had hurt me. he was distraught. he cried for me. i was disgusted, i was ashamed. i was asking him to leave, to call me a whore and stop, he begged for forgiveness, told me hes sorry, that he couldnt love me if i didnt let him. he told me he wanted to be a good husband. i told him i couldnt sleep with a guy that slept with other people. i didnt mean it. i didnt mean to hurt him. he was sobbing. i told him how much i loved him and that i would never ever be with someone else, and that i would love him forever. i told him i would always be there for him. that was the moment it all fell apart. i was only thinking of myself. i couldnt imagine hurting someone so much so that they'd want to leave. instead it made him leave and i felt hurt and sad and devastated. i didnt know i could hurt someone that much. i knew i had this urge to hurt him, but id never do something like that.


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